"At first I thought it was some kind of anti-proton or a cheeseball particle left over from last week's Battle of the Bands at the Holiday Inn," he explained, "but soon I had the confirmation I needed from two independent piano technicians and the Director of Holiday Inn Maid Services. 

"I dashed home to the attic and looked carefully at my grandmother's original edition Steinway grand piano.  That darned 13th tone was just sitting there between F# and G, the only green note on the piano!  F-sharp-and-a-half, just as the analysis of collider data had predicted.  I'd always assumed it was a fossilized pickle from one of Grannie's chimichangas."

Soggy Sentinel music editor, Gabriella Gallaudet noted that Western music has long flourished in the 12-scale-tone system.  "Do, re, mi, and like that," she explained, pointing to the compositions of Crappy's cousin Wolfgang and the balladeering of the Big Bopper as prime examples.
 
Currently fighting extradition to the US, Crappy spoke to Ms Gallaudet from either the closet or under the bed, his voice altered and wearing sunglasses.  Herr Mozart is currently wanted in several US jurictions on charges of masterminding the creation of the Wolf Gang, seen by Homeland Security as serious competition to the Cripps and Bloods for US market share.

"Why shouldn't us uber-dudes have our own gang?" complained Mozart, who considers himself a political exile.  "We can smuggle drugs and burn police stations just as good as minorities, if they'd just give us a chance."

From the tennis courts of his Swiss chalet, across the street from the Hardron Collider, piano heir Finster Steinway read from a prepared statement: 

Due to ongoing litigation between the Steinway family and those white-trash Mozarts, I cannot at this time comment on the existence of an F-sharp-and-a-half on any Steinway pianos.  And let me be perfectly clear: my Great Uncle Heinrich had already quit the Nazi party when all that unpleasantness came down in Germany.

In yet another added note, Ms Gallaudet pointed out that "througout Western culture there have numerous hints of extra musical tones.  Take, for instance, the use of quarter tones — those stunningly out-of-tune interjections often found in the music of Bela Bartok and Christina Aguilera."